<TITLE>14. Par 45-48</TITLE>L-45 I just got up, and went up over the hill, and set down up there in a field that night, the moon shining down; I said, "I can't have friends; I'm a black sheep among the boys, and Lord, somebody, let--let me die. I don't want to live like this. I'm a--a prisoner and I don't know what to do."
But what I see now, is all in God's great program. I might've lost a lot of friends then, but He's giving it back ten thousand times more today, by doing that what was right, to holding on to Him. And I said, "Oh, I don't know. I just might as well try to end life."
And a little later on, I remember then, I went on, thought, "Well, I'll stick it out." Time passed; many things happened.

L-46 When I got married... I met this girl. I'm so happy, my boy setting present this afternoon to know this about his mother. She was a lady, every ounce of it. She was a Christian girl. And I met her, and she was very nice. And I started going with her. And she neither smoked, drank, danced, or went to places like that. So, only thing we would do, we would go riding at night, and we had to be in at a certain time, nine o'clock. And I'd come back; she's very lady, nice parents.
So I thought how nice she was, but her father was a organizer on the Pennsylvania Railroad, making about five hundred and something dollars a month, during the time of the depression. I made twenty cents an hour digging ditches. What's something to take a girl like that? But she was very lovely. Her grave today has some flowers that I just planted on it. She lies beneath there, her body. Her soul's in glory with my baby. I love her yet today with all my heart. And she's... What a lovely person.

L-47 And she came into my life. And I knew it got to a place where I had to either say, "Now, you must..." I must marry her, or I must let her alone, let her somebody. A girl like that, a lady will certainly find somebody that'll be good to her, and I didn't make enough money to take care of her." So I said, "Well, the only thing I got to do: I've got to tell her good-bye and let some other boy that can take care of her..." I loved her enough, even though I had to sacrifice being with her, let somebody take a hold, take her that would take care of her and make her a good living.
So I tried to make up my mind, and I said, "Well, I... Maybe I can. Maybe I could make a living for her." I said, "It's so hard to do, to ask her that." So finally I thought, "How will I ask her?" And I guess you wonder how I did. I... For about a month I tried to get up enough nerve to do it. I don't know whether you brethren have that much trouble or not, but I--I had an awful time. And I'd look at her, and I thought she was pretty, and she was a good girl. And why do... I thought, "Oh couldn't we be happy together. We might not have very much, but we could be happy." And so I thought, "How will I do it?"

L-48 So I'd try to ask her, you know, and I--I... You know how you feel, that real funny feeling, you know, and I'd just... It'd choke me up, and I couldn't do it. So you know how I--how I asked her to marry me? I wrote her a letter and asked if she'd marry me. And so I...
Now, it wasn't Dear Miss, it was just a little more, what do you call that, mushy, than that, you know? And I asked her if she'd marry me. And I wrote it all out one night, you know, and I put it in a letter; and the next day I was going to work, so I dropped it in the box. And I know I was going to take her to church Sunday night, or Wednesday night.


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